Our oldest child recently celebrated her 25th birthday. That milestone triggered a flood of memories for me. The majority were happy, many were awesome, and of course, a small few were scary. Such is life and such is the life of a dad.
I’ve
learned a few things over the past quarter century of being a parent to three
wonderful kids. Here are 10 stream-of-consciousness thoughts I think all new
fathers should consider.
1.
There are fathers and there are dads. They’re not the same. Fatherhood is
the result of a biological act, which is subject to chance. Being a dad is the
result of a conscious choice. Fatherhood is like basic training. It’s where it
all starts. You’re a trainee. But “dad” is the rank you aspire to.
Dads are special. Dads
are the keepers of a sacred trust. They’ve taken an oath before God to love,
protect and teach their children. No matter what you do for a living, no matter
how successful you are, the most important job you’ll ever have is being
someone’s dad. Period.
2.
There are no
atheists in foxholes or delivery rooms.
Anyone
who’s witnessed the birth of a child would agree they witnessed a miracle.
Babies are a gift from God.
3.
There is no
owner’s manual. This
is tough, I know. We men do best when we can consult an owner’s manual. But the
hard fact is, there isn’t one. Maybe it’s because no two babies are exactly
alike. This isn’t GM and we aren’t turning out 1,000 of the same model every
day. But take heart, there’s wisdom all around you. Take advantage of it. Talk
to the baby’s doctor. Ask questions. Talk to your parents and grandparents.
Talk to other parents. Pray, listen and learn. You’ll get the hang of it.
4.
Be a man. Real men get up
in the night and take care of the baby. Real men aren’t afraid of poop, puke
and snot. Mom did all the hard work up front. Now you need take your turn.
5.
Babies: Sleep when
they sleep. Mom
needs her rest. Encourage her to sleep when the baby sleeps. But who’ll clean
up the house, do the laundry and cook the meals? You guessed it. Get to work.
6.
You can’t fall off
the floor.
Forget the fancy changing table. They’re an accident waiting to happen. When
it’s time to change a diaper, throw a clean blanket on the floor and get to
work. No kid ever fell off the floor.
7.
If they call you “Mr.
Safety,” it’s OK.
If you’re like me, you love tools, hardware stores and kids. That means babies
are an excuse to buy and install every “baby-proofing” gadget known to
humankind. You’ll go overboard preparing for the first child, then you’ll find
an equilibrium as more little ones arrive. If your wife and friends poke fun at
you for overdoing it, consider it a badge of honor. It’s your castle and you’re
protecting the little ones who live there. Go forth and do.
8.
Each child comes
with its own supply of love. Once couples get the hang of parenting
thoughts often turn to having another one. Invariably one of them thinks, “But
I’m afraid I won’t have enough love to share with another child.” Don’t sweat
it. While God doesn’t give you an owner’s manual, each child comes with its own
supply of love.
9.
Treat their mother
like a queen.
She deserves it. Respect that she’s gone through hell the last nine months. And
birth, don’t go even go there. Men can never truly understand the physical and
emotional stress of birth. Nothing we go through even comes close to matching
the pain of childbirth, so don’t even start that argument. Walk away.
10.
Time really does
fly. It
sounds trite but it’s true. Treasure every moment. They only happen once, then
they’re gone. And as odd as it sounds, with each passing year the time seems to
go by even faster. This is your life. You asked for it. Make sure you actively
participate in it.
11.
I
know I said this would be a list of 10 tips, but please allow me a little
poetic license to add one more tip, because it’s perhaps the most important
point of all. Marriage is a partnership
– and raising your children is part of that partnership. It’s not “her job”
with some occasional help from you. You’re a team. Now and forever.
So
there you are, my tips for new dads. I’m sure some of you are thinking, “That’s
all well and good, but what about toddlers and teenagers?” Those, my friends, are
stories for another time. Until then, good luck with the little ones.
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